im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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