why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
