I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
