I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My ass is underappreciated
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
