i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can Purell be used as lube?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
