this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
