I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
