And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
