Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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