So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
