Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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