Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
