My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
