you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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