I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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