Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
