did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
