she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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