So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
