I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
