Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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