You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
