College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
