I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's just like the Real World with babies
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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