Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
