put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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