I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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