did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
