I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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