His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
