My brain says no but my pants say off.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
