Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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