Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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