this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
