feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
