"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
