dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
