He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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