the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
