Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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