we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
