I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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