Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
