from now on my penis is your penis
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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