My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
