I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
