We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
