why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
