apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
