Yo dont text me then not text me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is my gift to your gina
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
