I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
