Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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