where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this boner is exhausting
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
