do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Houston, we have a blender
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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