ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
