awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
