i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
