i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
