just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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