the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
