Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
